14 October 2013


I skipped my martial arts class tonight for what might be the first time I've ever skipped it just because.

Just because I'm so very tired.

In Universe City, I went straight to fighting class at 5:30 and it was over by 6:30 and I could go home and relax and do stuff and get ready for bed.

Here, I struggle to leave work by six. I get home at 6:30 or 6:45, eat some food, change my clothes, and rush off to fighting class. By the time fighting class is done, it is 9:00, and I have to run whatever errands need to be run, get home, and try to fall asleep by 10:30 or so.

It never works. I can't wind down that fast. And then I don't get enough sleep. And then I start even more tired the next day.

I do not do well on seven hours of sleep, and that's about all I can manage here.

After seven months of this, I'm starting to unravel.

I knew that it would be busier here. I knew that I would work more hours. But I think what I underestimated is how much longer everything else would take. I ride the bus because I can't afford to pay for parking downtown and I want to take care of the environment and the bus is RIGHT THERE, but it means that I can't just leave straight from work and go to fighting. I have to come home first, to get my car, or I have to take the train out to fighting and then not get home until 10 pm.

It was different last time I lived here, because 1. I worked exactly 40 hours a week, 2. I never took work home, mentally or literally, and 3. I didn't try to work out.

I fought with myself, even walking back from the bus tonight. I should go to my class, I told myself. I should. I should.

But instead I gave myself a break. I came home, and I put on some lentils and rice to eat for the rest of the week. I worked on some Spanish homework. I updated my computer. Such little things, but things that I usually don't have time to do in this life I've bought myself.

I'm not sure how long I can do this.

No comments: