[3] judging

Today I was a judge for a law school competition. 

It was... weird. I still think of myself as the judged one. I could hardly imagine that I would have something to offer the contestants in a legal skills competition, and yet there I was, volunteering to be the first judge to give comments on the first set of contestants.

Because I had things to say. I had comments. I had suggestions. I had praise. 

This being a grownup is a strange world. 

I remember the first time I was on an interview committee, how odd it was to be the one asking the questions, and how I wanted to give the opportunity to everyone, you all seem so nice, I don't want you to feel bad being rejected.

I felt the same way about my evaluations today. I wanted to give them all high marks so they wouldn't feel bad when they saw the sheets, but I had to be fair and honest, and I was. 

I still want to scoop up all the contestants and hug them and say, "You did great! Good job!"

I also tried to sleep with all my stuffed animals when I was a kid, in a row around the edge of the waterbed in Liberia. All of them at once. And I rotated which ones got to sleep up by me, so their feelings wouldn't be hurt. 

I haven't quite gotten over that urge.