02 June 2010

actually, the opposite

It isn't that I'm exactly glad that my doctor spent a long time looking up my nose with her little light and then said, "Yeah, it's really swollen in there. I can't see much. You're going to need a CT scan so I can make sure that all the swelling hasn't trapped bacteria in your sinuses," but it was sort of gratifying to know that I'M NOT CRAZY. OR A WHINER. (I mean, obviously I am a whiner. Why else do I have a blog but to whine? I am not a needless whiner, is all.)

It turns out that it is really easy to make your doctor think you are drug-seeking. First, she tells you that she is prescribing you an allergy medication with a decongestant. "Is that going to make me sleepy?" you ask. "Can I take it in the morning and still be awake for work?"

Then she says, "Yes, actually, it's the same ingredient as Sud@fed, so it generally has the opposite effect. It tends to amp people up."

Then - and this part is KEY - you just say, "Oh, right, that's what they use to make meth, isn't it?"

Mission accomplished! Now she thinks you are a meth-head.

"Uh," she said, "do you use meth?" (Subtext: because how else would you know what meth does?)

"No," I said, oblivious, having not even realized that she would take it that way, "but at work I see a whole lot of people high on meth." It wasn't until later that I realized exactly how my comment had sounded.

She gave me the prescription anyway. Seriously, though, she has no idea how many stories I have heard in a professional capacity that start with, "Well, I hadn't slept for three days because I was on a meth binge..."

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