04 April 2006

that does it. the arms are coming off.

I am officially irritated. More than irritated. My plans are all up in the air. All plans. Plans as far away as the bar exam, over a year from now.

On my MRIs, there are little white spaces where there should be black lines between two of the eight marble-like bones on the wrist. This means, apparently, no ligament there. Or a torn ligament. Or a tearing ligament. HOW DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF? HOW? I am really at a loss. Shouldn't one notice as one is tearing one's ligament? How can it happen without me noticing?

(In other news, this phone conversation needs to end.)

But back to the point. I might have to have surgery. Minor surgery or major surgery. No one knows yet. It depends on how my hands react to being immobilized in these wrist splints for two weeks. And then how they react to possible minor surgery.

The problem is that major surgery (which looks likely on my left wrist, at least) requires three months of cast and three months of occupational therapy. I can't do it over the summer (Liberia), but I'm afraid to wait until fall. What if I really screw up my wrist in the meantime? And if both wrists need major surgery, that's a year of cast/OT. I can't start that in September - I have to take the bar next summer!

What if... what if...

I can't even think it.

WhatifIhavetostayintheUSthissummerinsteadofworkingmycooljobinLiberia?

A summer internship is not worth the permanent use of my wrists. But I can't get the surgery and go to Liberia with a cast - apparently there is a risk of the pins shifting. I really don't want to stay here. I don't have a job here. My arms simply MUST heal themselves. Or not be as bad as they look on the MRI. Or something.

Bah. Can't think about it anymore.

1 comment:

Missy said...

((((MARIE)))) (very gentle hug not touching your arms). Do you really have to take the bar next summer? Is it anything like the ACT (lame reference, I know, but it's the last standardized test I took) where they'll have another one like 3 months later? Then you could still do your summer internship and surg in the fall. It might make schoolwork kinda tough, but you go to a big fancy pants university- they have to have some kind of accessibility/voice transcribing thingey that would let you write papers by speech.

I guess you're right- a summer internship is not worth permanent use of your wrists. Every option is crappy.