study or not, here they come

I must must must take my human rights final tomorrow (yet another 24 hour take home), but I cannot bring myself to study. Here's the theory that has developed in my head: studying before a 24 hour take home is pointless. You spend an entire day studying a class, but then the exam only covers about 1/10th of the information. And since there is an entire day to write it and it usually doesn't take that long, save the evidence exam which knocked me over and kicked me in the abdomen and head several times, why study? Once you print out the exam and read the questions, you can study what you need to for a few hours, then write the answers. Perfect plan.

I like this plan all the more because I'm exhausted from the evidence exam combined with a morning occupational therapist appointment to which I dragged myself after four hours of sleep, only to find that they'd left me a message at 7:50 am (phone was on vibrate inside my backpack and I didn't hear it) telling me that the OT wouldn't be in. I could have kept sleeping. Which was fine as long as I was in their office, but when I got back to the waiting room, I collapsed into a chair and thought to myself, "I don't know if I can make it home."

I could only think in short stages, so I dragged myself home in stages, thinking only of the one immediately ahead, making the following stops to get out of the cold (each stop involved staring at nothing for a while and thinking about how I could possibly make it to the next possible stop):

1. waiting room (chair = too comfortable)
2. starbucks (peppermint hot chocolate + chair = too comforting)
3. bank (warmth = too tempting)
4. CVS (magazines through blinded eyes = too much mental effort)
5. home (stairs = too overwhelming)
6. bed (sleep = too perfect)

Then tonight there were free massages. FREE. MASSAGES. Only ten minutes long, but I arrived 45 minutes early and was the first person there. I would sell my ARM for a massage at this point in the semester. Preferably the right arm, which is the most painful anyway.

The thought of being done with this semester is a week is all that keeps me from falling over and sleeping on the wood floor of this cafe. That and the 2L pragmatism. See, the first year of law school is sheer panic at exam time. This second year, I've figured out that my grades are going to be what they are going to be and they aren't really going to affect my career since I don't want to work for a big firm that is picky about such things. And it's a B curve. The B is the predominant grade. I can live with a B. Actually, at this point, I could live with a B-. And I've done the outlines. I've read them over. I'll be fine. Just have to trudge on until one week from today.

And yet, when a professor sent out an email about reading we should do over Christmas break, I was a teeny tiny bit excited. The title will tell you why: The Elusive Quest for Growth: Economists' Adventures and Misadventures in the Tropics. Back to my international development roots. I so love law school. Most of the time.