seeping

I thought I was going to sleep on the air mattress. I was ready to sleep on the air mattress. I laid down on the air mattress and attempted to sleep.

The air mattress was seeping air. 

I could hear it. 

Do you know how distracting it is to hear and feel the mattress beneath you losing air as you try to fall asleep?

I will give you a hint: I, for one, cannot sleep while that is happening. 

I tried anyway, and I managed to achieve that half-asleep stage where you cannot fully deal with the problem, but you are also not fully asleep.

Then the air mattress pretty much fully deflated. 

I don't know what time that was. I do know that I was really glad that I had already moved my sleeping pad for camping. 

I stumbled into the closet, grabbed the sleeping pad, stumbled back to the deflated air mattress, and sat on it, with my eyes closed, blowing into the valve.

I then slept approximately like one does while camping: badly.

Fortunately, my new roommate has been sleeping on one mattress atop another on the floor and was willing to loan me one of them, so I will be sleeping tonight on a blissful layer of coils and polyester.

one place

Moving is the worst. The worst ever.

I have moved, this year, ten times. I have gotten better at the logistics but there is no improving the emotions. The emotions only get stronger with too many transitions in too short a time. The human psyche was not intended to survive so many changes and so much uncertainty.

Although some people thrive on it. I don't get those people. I don't even like backpacking around Europe. I'm happy to travel, sure, but give me a place to leave my stuff. It works like this: get a hotel. Leave your stuff there. Go see the town. Come back to your stuff.

Similarly with travel in general: leave your stuff at home. Travel. Come back to your stuff. It's lovely that way.

I am sleeping on an air mattress tonight, but there is this: I have a year-long lease on this apartment. I signed a lease. 

That means that I have to come up with the rent every month. It also means that I don't have to move for a year. 

I've never been so happy to be tied to one place.

evening

People complain when the days are so hot, but I love the hot days, if only for the evenings, when the air is still warm and heat still radiates from concrete and the air smells like distant smoke. Even better if I can walk in the warmth, in the dark; still better on gravel that crunches under my feet. 

It feels like home. 

feets, pain

It hurts to walk right now, and it's my own fault. I neglected the necessary upkeep on my heels. You know, keeping them from getting dry and cracked? I have had an amazing foot scraper, but I haven't replaced it in years, and it needs to be replaced every now and then or it loses its texture, which it seems to have done. Thus, limping. 

Two days ago I broke down and bought one of those little grater things that they use on your feet when you get a pedicure, and I took that to my feet, to no avail.

Last night I asked if the K.s had any epsom salts, because my feet hurt more than ever. They did not, but D. offered me something called Bag Balm. Bag Balm was apparently developed for the udders of milk cows, to keep them from getting chapped. I am now drenching my heels in udder ointment multiple times a day. 

I am also wearing closed shoes in the 88 degree heat, which is fine. As I used to annoy people by saying, "It's cooler than South Sudan!" (It's always cooler here than South Sudan at its hottest.) I just cannot stand to think of all the filth that would get into the cracks in my foot if I were wearing sandals.

Is it just me, or does wearing rubber sandals make your feet extra dry? 

Walking hurts. 

I walk anyway. 

I happened upon a street fair today, just at random, so I meandered up and down the street, running into two sets of people I know (Gone West is smaller than you'd think). At one intersection, the organizers of the street fair had imported a large circle of grass, with benches, and people were lounging about. Above them, the traffic signal continued its cycle through green - amber - red - green - amber, signaling to no vehicles.