here

I didn't want to move here. I mean, I really didn't want to move here. It isn't that I was weeping and gnashing my teeth about it. I just didn't feel any excitement at all. I got an apartment and packed up my stuff and said goodbyes all very routinely, as if I had said goodbye many times before, which I suppose I have, and then I moved down here and started my new job and activities, very routinely, as if I had started over many times before, which I suppose I have, too.

Someone asked me yesterday if I was glad that I moved to Universe City and I said something diplomatic about how I am starting to see the city's good points, and M. laughed and said, "That's a no."

And yeah, that is a no.

It is probably good for me to be here. I know myself better now than I did when I moved to Gone West, and I'm being much more deliberate about building the friendships I know I need to be happy. I have the job I want. I may someday be very glad that I moved here.

But now? I'm not glad, now. I'm okay with the fact that I live in Universe City instead of Gone West. I am resigned to it. But I am not glad. I could have been deliberate about adding to my friends in Gone West. I would have loved to do this job with procedures I know, surrounded by people who already know and respect me, instead of starting back at the beginning.

I am fine, here. I am not weeping and gnashing my teeth. My life is filling with good things and people. It's just that, still, I feel no excitement about this place. It just is.