tablets

When I was little, I took a pill every Sunday. It was a chloroquine pill, and we had to take them to keep malaria from overwhelming us constantly. With the chloroquine, malaria only overwhelmed us occasionally, and then more often at the end of our years in Liberia as the African strains of malaria became more resistant to chloroquine, leading us to take quinine when we got sick with malaria. Quinine is a drug which is EVEN MORE FUN - wikipedia says quinine is currently not recommended for malaria treatment, not because it doesn't work but because the side effects are too severe. It's really good in tonic water, though, the real kind, the kind they make in the rest of the world that actually has taste, unlike the crap they sell in the States.

(Side note: in my biochemistry class in college, I wrote an entire paper about the difference between how quinine and chloroquine actually work, and why they treat different kinds of malaria. Utterly fascinating.)

The real problem with the weekly dose of chloroquine was not the alleged side effects (we were fine, FINE! Ignore the liver and eye damage), but the taste. Chloroquine is the worst-tasting thing I have ever put in my mouth. Taste-wise, ignoring the ick factor, I would gladly eat virtually anything to avoid the utter bitterness of chloroquine. Your mouth cannot recover from the taste of chloroquine. You can eat or drink whatever you want afterwards, but the taste will stay on your tongue until it's good and worn off. (Needless to say, the pills were not coated back in the 80s, and even now that they are, the taste still breaks through. It's bad. Even a hint of it takes me right back.)

Out of necessity, I became very good at taking pills at a very young age. I learned to place the pill very gingerly between my front teeth, touching it as little as possible, and then downing it in one big swallow of water. I would watch incredulously as Liberians swallowed "tablets" dry and then swigged the water afterwards. HOW on earth...? I would watch even more incredulously as my brother took his dose in a spoonful of jello. Why would you ruin perfectly good jello? And my sister... we have a picture of my sister taking a nap at the dining room table, where she had to sit until she took her pill. Her arm is stretched out on the table, her eyes are closed, and a tiny white pill sits in front of her nose. She was a stubborn little one. My mom had to be even more stubborn so A. wouldn't get malaria. Battle of wills, baby.

For a very long time, I took all pills that way: one at a time, held tight between my teeth until I had the water ready, until I worked with emotionally impaired kids in college and I watched eight year olds throw four pills into their mouths and gulp them down, and it hit me: Not every pill tastes like chloroquine. There are some pills - most, even - that you can allow to touch your tongue.

It's been a big relief. Now I too can throw a stack of pills into my mouth and down them all at once, except the women's vitamin from Trader Joe's, which is too... heavy, somehow. It gets stuck if you aren't totally ready. But seriously. Realizing that not all pills contaminate your mouth for hours, that not all pills have to be taken so carefully? Changed my life. Okay, in a really minor way. But still.