01 July 2008

bumbling lawyerly-like

I was wearing my (only decent pair) of black trousers today. They are a little bit wide-legged and I was wearing them with flats and a jacket that tied around the middle. I felt pretty good about this outfit until I was sluffing my way down a hallway and realized that what with the flats and the tied jacket, the clothes I was wearing felt suspiciously like pajamas. With slippers. I have confidence, from looking at my reflection in doors as I passed them, that I looked a bit more put together than that, but there was a moment of panic.

I am one of those people who we could kindly call overthinkers. Less charitable titles might include UTTERLY INSANE. For example, I am incapable of sending out a job-search related email without writing, editing, saving as a draft, re-reading, re-editing, pondering, re-reading, suddenly sending with a mental promise to never think of it again, opening the sent folder to read it one more time, and then being terrified every time I open my email thereafter IN CASE THE PERSON ANSWERED. You don't even want to know what out of the office auto-replies do to me, because they are toooooo soooooon! Too soon! This whole process often results in late bedtimes, because of just too much pondering when I've vowed to send out an email that night. I can't figure out if this whole thing occurs because 1. I have a tinge of perfectionism, 2. I lack self-confidence, or 3. I haven't quite figured out how to act like a lawyer yet. Or maybe a bit of each.

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