28 February 2008

over and done

When it was over and done, I sat in the middle of a parking lot under a scrawny tree on one of those islands that end a parking row. I looked up at the sun and closed my eyes. Wilbur played his way through the Os (I listen to my ipod in alphabetical order, for some unknown reason). The Os are a good letter for songs. I realized that I had nothing else I could or should be doing for those few minutes, waiting for my ride to finish the exam. My coat was locked in the car and I was just a little bit cold.

I had this fantasy of spending today sitting in the sunshine on the terrace upstairs with a bottle of vanilla vodka and a two-liter of Coke. Swig one. Swig the other. Swish together in mouth. What could be better?

Instead, I have a meeting later and no money. I am too broke to become an alcoholic as a result of the bar exam. So I'm settling for tea in my own little apartment that felt strangely like home when I came back to it after the nights in the hotel near the bar exam. This is why I moved to New State: I wanted a place to feel like home.

It is very very odd, though, to realize that I might (assuming I passed the exam - who knows?) be a fully certified lawyer in two months, in a state that, 2 months and 2 days ago, I had never even visited. On the exam, every time they said, "Using only New State law..." I stared at it with a little frisson of surprise. New State? I've been studying New State law for months, but it still surprises me when I realize that I live here.

No comments: