15 February 2007

some people call this "weather"

The news told us there was a huge storm coming and on Tuesday night it said things like, "Coming up, we tell you which roads will likely be closed for the morning commute tomorrow." The alleged huge storm turned out to be three inches, if that, of snow over 18 hours. That is not a storm, that is winter. Mild winter, at that. If I can see two blocks during the raging-est of the snow, it's not a storm.

I have disappeared from here lately, mostly because I tend to blog when:
1. I'm bored
2. I have something to say.

Right now I am too busy to be bored and I have nothing to say. I think lots of things all the time, but they disappear when I have ten minutes in front of a computer.

So, let's see... random notes.

I finally made it to the elusive Ethiopian restaurant and it was as amazing as I had hoped. I remembered why I love Ethiopian food. Flavorful and tasty, compared to the bland, salty nast they have been trying to give me at the old place. Hm. I need to go back. Too bad it's quite a trek to the Lower East Side.

I judge my level of weariness every day by how hard it is to walk up the subway steps at school. On good days, I don't even notice the steps. On tired days, I make it up four or five of them and then slow down and drag one leg at a time up the rest. On really tired days, the only reason I don't stop in the middle is because how embarrassing would that be?

I have 39 hours of things to do per week before any studying or extra meetings. Usually there are extra meetings. I have no days off (other than weekends, during which I try to do as much of my studying as possible) and I seldom get home before 9 p.m. My roommate regards my schedule with horror. But the real question is: HOW AM I EVER GOING TO HAVE TIME TO LOOK FOR A JOB? Answer: I won't. Which is a problem, because I have loans equivalent to a mortgage to pay back.

I'm babysitting this semester for the most adorable baby in the world, who is six and a half months old. I have to drag myself out of bed some mornings to go hang out with him but then he grins and grabs my hair and stuffs it in his mouth and all is well with the world. Kids are like that. I come home exhausted and mangled - legs all trembly-tired from walking oddly to rock him to sleep, scratches on my face from his little fingernails, arms numb from holding him, back aching from the baby bjorn carrier, spit-up on my clothes - and fall in a heap on the floor (okay, bed, usually) and S says, "Why do you DO that babysitting?" and I can only answer that for someone who likes kids, like I do, hanging out with a little person reminds me that there is something other than academics and theory to the world. Plus I've fallen madly in love with the little guy. Here is this very small person with so much personality and force of will even though he cannot talk, sit (almost!), walk, or eat on his own. I mean, he gets around by rolling. And yet his smiles make me smile, every time, and when he cries I want to cry, too, unless I can comfort him, which is even better. I can see why people have kids (not that I ever couldn't see, but you know).

Speaking of theory, I've been longing lately for the ever-so-much-less theoretical social justice crowd I knew in undergrad. I'm taking all these human rights classes and doing a human rights internship and what I keep thinking is (big confession coming up): ... Actually, even on a semi-anonymous space, I can't say what I keep thinking. Because I need a job someday. Ask me in person if you know me. As I sit in class, though, talking about the responsibilities of governments to respect, protect and fulfill human rights obligations and about complaints to be filed under the optional protocols of treaties at the UN level, I can't help wondering how this all got so far removed from what is actually happening. What happened to the days when we campaigned for free trade coffee on campus so that farmers could feed their families instead of getting screwed by big coffee companies? I miss those days.

I think the point is that, despite law school, I'm still a development girl at heart. I would rather be open about the solutions - enlist anyone who can help with getting more schools in a country, for example - than spend my time trying to make a legal argument that the country is under an international legal obligation to provide more schools. Quite frankly, I find it boring. And I miss the way that the social justice people in college tried to involve everyone, persuade all of us to change our lives to change lives around the world. When did it all get so detached?

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